


Another Version of the Truth

by PinkSparkleUnicorn



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), Smut, past verbal/emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkSparkleUnicorn/pseuds/PinkSparkleUnicorn
Summary: It’s two weeks before Audrey has to go into the barn. Nathan has an accident and loses two years of his memories. Garland and Audrey come up with a plan to keep Nathan from interfering with Audrey going away but it’s not a good plan...and Duke is not happy.Partially canon compliant, partially AU. Garland is alive and Audrey has decided to go into the barn before the Hunter Storm arrives. Gloria is here, too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to HappilyAskew and [GreyHaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven) For all their support and suggestions. I really appreciate all the help...this wouldn’t be what it is without your support!

Chapter One

Duke was on his way back from taking Ginger and her father to their new home when he got the call from Audrey. He pressed the speaker button.

“Audrey, I’m almost in Haven. What do you need?” He asked.

“It’s Nathan...come to the hospital,” Audrey replied. 

“What happened?” Duke asked, fearing the worst. 

“The theater is getting a new marquee and the scaffolding gave way. Nathan pushed a kid out of the way but it hit him. He’s unconscious. Has been for two days...” Audrey told him. 

“Two days? And you just thought to call me now?” Duke demanded, stepping on the accelerator.

“Duke, there wasn’t anything you could have done. You had to get the Danvers out of town. He’s in good hands. Gloria has been consulting with the doctors here.” Audrey assured him.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Duke said, hanging up. 

Duke resisted the urge to slam his foot on the gas and speed to Haven. It wouldn’t change anything and with his luck he’d get pulled over. He tried several breathing techniques to calm his nerves as he drove. Nothing was working. 

Three days. He was only gone for three days, leave it to Nathan to get knocked unconscious. 

Jesus, what was wrong with him? Why was he getting so worked up over this? Nathan was safe in the hospital. He’d been through worse before. Hell, they’d been through worse together as kids. Besides, by the time he got to the hospital he was sure Nathan would be wide awake bugging the doctors to sign him out so he could get back to saving Haven from the troubles and keeping Audrey out of that damned barn.

Duke clung to that thought as he pulled up in front of the hospital and parked his Landrover. He got out and made his way to the the room number Audrey texted him. He stepped inside and stopped short. Nathan was still unconscious. 

Audrey and the Chief sat on either side of the bed speaking in quiet voices. The Chief looked up and scowled at Duke.

Duke raised his hands. “I’m not going to stay. Just wanted to see how he was doing. I see he’s still out, so I’ll go..”

The Chief stood up and gestured to the chair. “Sit down, Crocker. Keep Parker company. I’m going to get some sleep.” He turned to Audrey and addressed the rest of his statement to her. “Call me if his condition changes.”

Audrey nodded. “Will do, Chief.”

Duke waited to sit down until the Chief left. He looked at Nathan and felt a lump form in his throat. It looked like he was just sleeping. He guessed it was better than walking in to find him attached to machines with tubes sticking out of him. At least he was breathing on his own. The only thing to prove he wasn’t just sleeping was the IV coming out of his arm. 

He took a deep breath and turned to looked at Audrey. “Were you there when it happened?”

Audrey nodded. “We were on our way back from lunch. We heard the workers outside the theater shout as the the scaffolding started to fall. There was a kid on a bike, before I knew what was happening, Nathan was pushing the kid out of the way. And then, he was on the ground under everything. He’s lucky he doesn’t have any serious injuries. He’s just been unconscious since it happened. Gloria is optimistic. She says there isn’t any brain damage. She says we just need to be patient.”

“Well, Gloria knows her stuff,” Duke said flatly. 

“How did it go with the Danvers? Are they safe?” Audrey asked, trying to give them something else to think about other than Nathan.

“Yeah, they’ll be fine. Ginger will have a lot of new friends. Has he stirred or anything?” Duke said, bringing the conversation back to Nathan. 

“No.” Audrey replied.

They both lapsed into silence, staring at Nathan’s seemingly lifeless form. Eventually, they both fell asleep. 

*******

Garland walked into Nathan’s room the next morning and nudged Duke awake. Duke groaned and unfolded himself from the uncomfortable hospital chair.

He glanced at Garland warily, “Morning, Chief...”

Garland looked Duke over and shook his head. “You look like hell, Crocker. Go get some coffee. He’s not going anywhere. Take Parker with you.”

Duke nodded and shook Audrey awake. “Let’s get some coffee. The Chief is here,” he said when it looked like she was going to protest. 

Garland sat down next to his son and shook his head. “Nathan, if you can hear me, snap out of it. I’m getting too old for this.”

He slumped in the seat and rested his head in his hands. It might not seem like it sometimes but he truly cared about his son. He was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t hear Nathan speak.

“Chief?” Nathan whispered his throat dry.

Garland’s head snapped up. “Son? You’re awake!”

Nathan struggled to sit up. “What happened?”

Garland gently pushed him back down. “Hey now, don’t try moving just yet. Let me get Gloria.”

Nathan grabbed Garland’s arm when he moved to get out of the chair. “Where’s Duke? Is he here?”

“Yeah, he’s getting coffee with Parker. I’ll get him.” Garland said, heading to the door. 

Minutes later, he was back with Gloria. “Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” she joked as she walked to his bedside to begin her exam.

Duke and Audrey rushed in while Gloria was looking Nathan over. 

“Duke...c’mere,” Nathan called softly.

Duke looked at Audrey and shrugged. He walked over to Nathan wondering why he was asking for him and not Audrey. 

He jumped when Nathan grabbed his hand. He tried to pull his hand away but Nathan held on and pulled him closer. 

Before Duke knew what was happening, Nathan brought his free hand up to wrap around Duke’s neck and pulled him into a quick kiss. “You look like hell. Were you worried?” 

Duke looked down at Nathan in shock. Was this a trouble or had he hit his head harder than everyone thought. Duke couldn’t speak so he just nodded.

Nathan frowned, running his fingers through Duke’s hair. “Your hair...it’s long? How long was I out?”

Nathan glanced over to his father. He finally noticed Audrey and squinted at her. “Who are you?”


	2. Chapter 2

Duke felt sick. He glanced at Gloria and her expression confirmed what he was thinking. He opened his mouth to say something but Gloria shook her head. 

“Okay, everybody out!” Gloria turned to Nathan and smiled, “Glad to have you back with us. I’m going to send in the nurse to take all your vitals. I’ll be back soon.”

Duke tried to follow the others but Nathan wouldn’t let go of his hand. Duke tried to stay calm when he spoke, “Gloria needs us to go, Nate. I’ll be back after they finish checking you over.”

Nathan smiled and pulled him into another, more passionate kiss, “I’m sorry I worried you.”

Duke squeezed his hand and forced a smile, “It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Duke joined the others in the hall. Audrey stared at him for a minute before she spoke, “Gloria, I thought you said there wasn’t any brain damage...is that a trouble or did Nathan just lose his mind?”

Gloria shook her head, “There isn’t any brain damage and I doubt it’s a trouble.”

“It’s more like Nathan lost _time_. Two years to be exact.” Duke mumbled.

Audrey looked completely confused. “What?”

“My son and Crocker here had a little fling when they were younger before Nathan wised up and kicked him to the curb...two years ago,” Garland told her. 

“Garland, that not what happened and you know it,” Gloria chided.

“Well, what would you say happened?” Garland asked, shrugging.

“That’s not the point! Nathan seems to have lost almost two years of his memories. What are we going to do about it?” Duke asked, suddenly feeling totally self conscious.

Audrey turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell me? You didn’t trust me? After everything we’ve been through?”

Duke shrugged. “Wasn’t really a secret, a lot of people knew. Oh, by the way...his trouble is gone.”

“How do you know that?” Garland asked, clearly shocked.

“Trust me, I know,” Duke replied, grasping the back of his neck with both hands. 

“But how do you know?” Audrey prodded.

Duke sighed. “I could tell when he kissed me. He was different...”

“Different how?” Audrey continued.

“Hey...can we stop with the Spanish Inquisition? If Duke says his trouble is gone, then it’s gone. We have more pressing issues to deal with than how Nathan kisses without his trouble,” Gloria said.

Garland turned to Gloria, “What do we do?”

“Whatever we do we have to do it carefully. If we bombard him with too much information we can trigger his trouble or confuse him or worse. Come down to my office in about an hour. That will give me a chance to give him another cat scan. We can discuss treatment then. Go get lunch or something...do not go back in there,” She warned, pointing a finger at each of them.

“I’m going to the Gull to get something to eat. Anyone wanna come?” Duke asked uneasily.

“No thanks, Duke. I have something I need to discuss with the Chief. Meet us in Gloria’s office?” Audrey asked.

Duke opened his mouth to say something but just nodded instead. 

****************

A little over an hour later, they were all crowded in Gloria’s office. She sat down behind her desk and sighed. “Everything looks fine medically, which is good, but Duke is right, he’s lost about two years. He says the last thing he remembers is planning a fishing excursion with Duke. And we all know how that turned out,” she said.

“It wasn’t my fault...” Duke began. 

Gloria put her hand up, “I’m not blaming you, kiddo. I’m just saying that’s when his trouble triggered.”

“How is his trouble gone?” Audrey asked.

Gloria shook her head. “I’m not really sure. My best guess is because he doesn’t remember the fight with Duke his trouble never activated. It’s possible his trouble can be controlled like some of the others but he just hasn’t figured out how. It’s not like we have a guidebook on the troubles. We should just be happy that it’s gone.”

“Could this memory loss be permanent?” Garland asked.

“No way to tell. We’re just going to have to be patient and hope he remembers,” Gloria said. 

“I say we don’t tell him,” Audrey said quietly.

Duke spun on her, “What? How can we not tell him? The minute he walks out of here and sees a calendar he’s going to know.”

“That’s not what she meant, Crocker,” Garland said lighting up a cigarette. 

Gloria snatched it out of his mouth, “Are you nuts? You can’t smoke in a hospital!”

“What I meant was we shouldn’t tell him you broke up. Let him think he had an accident and he lost part of his memories,” Audrey said slowly.

“And why would we do that?” Duke asked incredulously.

“So he doesn’t try to stop me from going in the barn,” Audrey said simply.

“Okay, I’m confused. What does any of this have to do with you going back in the barn?” Duke asked.

“Apparently, Nathan has been telling Parker she doesn’t have to go into the barn. That he’ll do everything he can to keep her out of it. That can’t happen. She needs to go back in the barn to stop the troubles,” Garland explained. 

“Duke, I know you and Nathan have been trying to find a way to keep me here but I don’t think you can. I know what I have to do to save this town. I have to stop the troubles. I have to go back in that barn. It’s what I did as Lucy and Sarah and who knows how many before that,” Audrey said quietly. 

“You want me to lie to Nathan and let him think we’re still together so he won’t try to stop you from going into the barn. Do I have that right? Or am I missing something?” Duke snapped.

Audrey looked down at her hands. She knew she was asking a lot of Duke but the people of Haven were counting on her to fix the troubles. “Yes, that’s what I’m asking you to do.”

“No. I’m not doing it. I want to help Nathan but I’m not going to lie to do it. You want to make sure he doesn’t interfere with your decision to leave, you find another way.” Duke crossed his arms and leaned against Gloria’s desk defiantly staring at Audrey and Garland.

“So you have to play kissy face with my son for a few weeks. Didn’t seem like that was much of a chore for you back in high school or when you came back to Haven. Think of what it would mean to the people of Haven...we could guarantee the troubles would be gone again for twenty seven years,” Garland said, trying to be practical. 

“Why should I care about the people of Haven? When did they ever care about me?” Duke spat out.

Audrey reached out to squeeze his arm but Duke pulled away. She sighed. “You know that’s not true. You put on a good show but you truly do care about these people. You just have to put on a show with Nathan for a few weeks...how hard can that be?”

Duke glared at her again. “And if he remembers? Or should I say when he remembers because...well, because he just will. Does it matter to you that he will never and I mean never forgive me for lying? For letting you go away?” 

He turned to Garland and continued, “Or is this my punishment for being a Crocker? For setting off his trouble last time? Not only do I have to let Audrey go but I have to make Nathan hate me all over again?”

Garland shook his head and tried a different tactic. “How about I get rid of all your parking tickets and clean up your file a bit? Would that be enough to do this? Or do you need monetary compensation, too?”

“What? No! I won’t take money to help Nathan! This isn’t about what I can get out of this! This is about not lying to your son! I’m not doing it.” Duke snapped.

“Duke, calm down,” Gloria instructed. “Garland, that was way out of line. Maybe instead of trying to bribe Duke to do what you want him to do, you focus on helping your son. We need to figure out what to tell him without triggering his trouble again. Because this whole situation has emotional trauma written all over it.”

Duke’s shoulders slumped at Gloria’s words. He looked up at her and spoke softly, “Are you saying if we tell him the truth we could trigger his trouble again?”

“Yeah, kiddo, that’s what I’m saying. But I’m not asking you to do what Audrey and the Chief are suggesting. We can find a way to gently tell him what’s happened over the last two years. It’ll be tricky but...”

Duke looked at Garland and ran his hand through his hair before he spoke, “I’m going to need someone to help me move his stuff back to the Rouge. We were living together, remember? I can’t do it alone.”

Audrey looked up and smiled, “You’ll do it? Really? Thank you!”

Duke put his hands up when she tried to hug him. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for Nathan. Contrary to what he may have told you or what the Chief here thinks, I never meant to be the one to trigger his trouble this time around. I won’t be the one who takes his sense of touch again.”

“You’re doing a good thing, son,” Garland said.

“I’m not your son and I know I am. I actually care about Nathan and not just getting rid of these damn troubles. You should try it sometime, maybe if you did you’d have a real relationship with Nathan,” Duke growled.

“Don’t lecture me about my relationship with Nathan. You’re forgetting that you screwed up your relationship with him because you couldn’t stop smuggling.” Garland spat back.

Gloria stood up and slammed her hands on her desk. “Okay, let’s stop with the testosterone, gentlemen. Now that Duke has agreed to help keep Nathan from triggering his trouble, let’s all get on the same page with what we are telling him. I think we should keep as close to the truth as possible. We’ll tell him about the accident, nothing damaging there. But we’ll let him believe he and Duke are still together.”

Audrey nodded. “We can tell him most of the truth about me, too. I was an FBI agent who decided to stay in Haven and the Chief offered me a job. But what do we tell him about the troubles? About me being Lucy or Sarah?”

“He’ll figure out the troubles are back on his own. I don’t think we need to muddy the waters with your history. When you’re gone and there is no risk of him getting his trouble back will be time enough to explain it all.” Garland suggested. 

“I don’t think he should go back to work. Too many people at the station know about what happened between us and someone is bound to let it slip,” Duke pointed out. 

Gloria nodded, “I wasn’t planning on clearing him for duty anytime soon but that’s a good call. We’re going to have to run interference with anyone who may spill the beans. That means someone is going to have to talk to Vince and Dave. They’ll be a big help with all of this.”

“How long are you going to keep him here? I’m going to need at least a day to get his things back to the Rouge,” Duke asked.

“Another day or two should do it. You know Nathan, he’s probably already badgering the nurses to get out of here,” Gloria said. 

Garland got up to leave but stopped at the door, “I’ll send Dwight to Nathan’s apartment to help you move his things.”

Duke nodded. “I’ll go there after I stop to see Nathan.”

Audrey looked at Duke and tried to smile. “I know this isn’t going to be easy and you’re not happy with me right now but thank you. This is making my difficult decision easier. You’re a good friend.”

She left Gloria’s office not waiting for him to answer, afraid of what he might say. 

Gloria walked out from behind her desk and stopped in front of Duke. “This whole situation sucks. But I gotta tell you, Nathan is damn lucky to have you as his friend. You need anything and I mean anything, you call me. Okay?”

Duke managed a smile. “Thanks. And thanks for standing up to the Chief for me. No one has done that in a long time...not since Nathan...”

“Well, the old goat took it a step too far. You didn’t deserve what he said or the implication that he could buy your cooperation. And you know me, I can’t keep my mouth shut to save my life. Now, enough of this sappy crap. Go get Nathan’s stuff back on your boat before he makes my nurses quit with the complaining we both know he’s doing right now,” Gloria ordered.


	3. Chapter 3

Duke unlocked the door to Nathan’s apartment and looked around, cataloguing all the things he would have to move to the Cape Rouge.

There were quite a few things he remembered from their time together. He would have thought Nathan would have gotten rid of every reminder of their relationship. But maybe he was just being practical. It’s not like Nathan had the money to replace everything that had been on the Rouge. 

He ran his hand over the blanket on the back of the sofa remembering countless cold Maine nights watching movies with it thrown over the both of them. At least he knew why Nathan kept the blanket, it was his mother’s. 

His eyes moved to the bookcase and he was shocked again to see all the books he had given Nathan over the years were there, some actually looking like they had been read over and over again. Had Nathan kept them because they meant something to him or did he just not want to throw out books? 

He was saved from thinking about what that could mean by someone clearing their throat. He turned and saw Dwight standing in the doorway holding a bundle of boxes.

“The Chief said you needed help moving stuff to the Rouge?” He asked, more a statement than a question.

Duke nodded. “It shouldn’t take too long. It’s mostly books and clothes and few things of his mom’s. If you want to start packing up the books I’ll check to see if there is anything in the kitchen.”

“Is there even anything in the kitchen besides a coffee pot and pancake mix?” Dwight joked. It seemed everyone knew that Nathan wasn’t much for cooking. 

Duke laughed weakly, “Probably not.”

“Hey, Duke, I know what’s going on here. The Chief filled me in. For what it’s worth I think it’s a shitty position they put you in. And when Nathan gets his memory back I’ll make sure he knows this wasn’t your idea,” Dwight said quietly.

“Thanks, Squatch...and thanks for saying when not if,” Duke replied, walking into the kitchen. 

Dwight was right, there wasn’t anything he needed to take except maybe a coffee mug. He opened the refrigerator intending to clear it out so things wouldn’t go bad and shook his head. It was practically empty. Just a few bottles of beer and ketchup. “How on earth do you survive, Nathan?”

“Mostly on take-out probably,” Dwight replied and Duke realized he had spoken out loud. 

They finished packing up the living room and moved on to the bedroom. Surprisingly, Nathan had a lot of clothes. Dwight wanted to know what they should take and Duke decided to take everything.

“With my luck he’ll want to wear something I leave behind and this charade will fall to shit,” Duke grumbled opening a dresser drawer. He started pulling out neatly folded tee shirts when he caught sight of a picture frame near the back of the drawer. He reached out and picked it up. When he turned it over his heart jumped and he felt his hands tremble. It was a picture of the two of them at Bill McShaw’s wedding. Why had Nathan kept it? Did he still mean something to Nathan? 

Once again Dwight’s voice broke through his thoughts, “What are you going to tell Nathan about your trouble?”

Duke frowned. “I hadn’t thought about it. I don’t actually have to tell him anything. I just have to stay away from troubled blood until the Hunter Storm...when Audrey leaves,” he said bitterly.

“Just be careful, Duke. If you set off your trouble around him that could be disastrous,” Dwight warned.

“No pressure right? Don’t set off your trouble, Duke. Don’t tell him hates you, Duke. Lie to him, Duke. What could possibly go wrong?” Duke said, running his hands through his hair and letting them rest on the back of his neck.

“You going to be okay?” Dwight asked seriously.

Duke waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. Just getting out some of my frustration before I have to go put on a happy face for Nathan. Everyone thinks I do nothing but lie so this should be a piece of cake, right?”

“Duke, I meant what I said before. This is a shitty situation. If you ever need a break or just want to talk...” Dwight said closing the last box of clothes.

Duke chuckled, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Sasquatch...but shut up.”

Dwight laughed, “Fair enough. I’ll start putting this in the truck. Go double check we didn’t miss anything.”

It only took one trip to bring everything to the Cape Rouge. Dwight helped unload the boxes but left Duke to put everything away.

Gloria called Duke just as he was putting the last of Nathan’s clothes in his closet. He picked up the phone and sat on the bed.

“Gloria? Everything okay with Nathan?” He asked, slightly worried. 

“Everything’s fine, Duke.” Gloria assured him. “I was just hoping you got everything ready. He’s asking questions and I’d rather the answers come from you.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“Duke, wait...there’s one more thing, he asked about the tattoo,” Gloria said seriously.

Duke groaned, “How are we going to do this without triggering his trouble? I can’t exactly tell him he got that damned tattoo so he could be able to kill me if he had to! Now I have to come up with a plausible explanation. What am I going to do?” 

“I’ll be here with you, monitoring his vitals. We’ll be careful not to get him too excited. It’s going to be okay, Duke,” Gloria said with authority.

Duke relaxed a little. Gloria knew what she was doing. Nathan was in good hands, at least for now. He thanked her and hung up. He looked around the Rouge one last time, hoping he did a good job of making it look like Nathan still lived there.

Gloria met him at the nurses station just outside Nathan’s room.  
“We’re going in there together to tell him all we discussed earlier. I’ll monitor his heart rate and we’ll slow down or stop if I feel it’s getting too high. I know Garland thinks he’ll just realize the troubles are back but I think we need to tell him. Are you ready to do this?”

Duke shook his head, “No, but it’s not like I have a choice, right? I’ll just never be able to live with myself if I set off his trouble again.”

“Duke, if you don’t want to do this we can find another way. I can’t guarantee we won’t trigger his trouble but we are going to do our best. And if it happens it won’t be your fault. Do you understand me, kiddo? It won’t be your fault,” Gloria said emphatically.

Duke nodded but didn’t say anything because he knew Gloria would see right through him. He took a deep breath and followed Gloria into Nathan’s room.

Nathan looked up from the book he was reading and smiled at Duke. The smile was warm and bright, a smile Duke knew all too well but one that hadn’t been directed at him in years. He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled back. He hoped it looked sincere. He didn’t want to screw this up before they even got started. 

“Come to spring me I hope?” Nathan asked setting the book down.

Gloria nodded, “Yes, he did. But before we discharge you, we have to go over a few things. I know you’ve been bugging the nurses about what happened to you and what’s going on in Haven. Duke and I are going to answer your questions as best we can. But you have to stay calm. If your heart rate becomes elevated I’m going to stop and you’re going to have to stay here a few more days.”

“Well, that sure is motivation to stay calm,” Nathan said. 

“Nate, she’s serious. You have to stay calm,” Duke said, sitting on the side of the bed, reaching to hold Nathan’s hand.

Nathan frowned. “Okay, you’re freaking me out, Duke.”

“The troubles are back,” Duke said simply, waiting to see how Nathan reacted.

Gloria was watching the heart monitor and she started frowning, “Nathan, breathe. It’s okay. You’re okay. You know your trouble hasn’t activated.”

Duke held Nathan’s hand tighter and started rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “Please, calm down. I don’t want to go home alone tonight,” he tried to joke.

Nathan closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. Gloria was right, he was okay. He could feel Duke’s comforting caresses on the back of his hand. He could feel the coolness of the sheets against his bare legs and the pull of the IV in his arm. He took a deep breath and squeezed Duke’s hand before he opened his eyes. “I’m okay. So, this is why you want me calm? You’re afraid whatever you have to tell me is going to trigger my trouble?”

“Something like that,” Duke agreed.

“You ready to continue?” Gloria asked.

Nathan nodded. 

“Gloria said you’ve been bugging the nurses with questions. What did you want to know?” Duke asked.

“Well, how did I get here? Who was that woman with the Chief? She acted like I should know who she is. And I heard one of the nurses say you own a bar?” Nathan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, yes I do. I own the Grey Gull...it used to be the McShaw’s old place, remember? Bill and Geoff inherited it when their folks died.” Duke explained. 

Nathan nodded, “That I remember. What made you buy it?”

“I didn’t actually know I was buying it, but that’s not relevant. Geoff died last year and Bill didn’t want to run the place without him. See, I finally got that legitimate business you’ve been bugging me about,” Duke joked, darting his eyes to Gloria. She nodded for him to continue.

“That woman with the Chief is Audrey Parker. She’s your partner. She came down from Boston to help with a case and the Chief offered her a job. She used to be FBI. You guys have solved a lot of cases involving the troubled together. She was with you when you had your accident. You saved a kid from getting hit by collapsing scaffolding outside of the theater. You ended up getting hit by the falling pieces. You were knocked out, for two days.” 

Nathan sighed and closed his eyes again. 

“Still okay? Need us to stop?” Duke asked, checking to make sure Nathan was still calm.

“I’m good. It’s a lot to take in but I can still feel you if that’s what you mean,” Nathan replied.

“Good. Anything else you want to know?” Gloria asked.

Nathan turned his left arm towards them. “What the hell is this?”

Duke took a deep breath. “It’s a tattoo that is supposed to identify you as a member of the Guard. From what we know it’s a secret organization that helps troubled people in Haven. You got it to infiltrate their organization because someone with that tattoo kidnapped Audrey. You were trying to figure out why.”

“And did I figure it out?” Nathan asked, running his fingers over the tattoo.

“Not really. But I think you got close,” Duke answered.

Nathan went silent for a moment. Then he sighed. “Not remembering is weird.”

“Well, hopefully it’s only temporary. Anything else you want to know?” Duke asked. 

“Yeah, when can I go home? No offense, but the food here stinks,” Nathan asked, trying not to laugh.

Gloria stood up and started for the door. “I’ll get the discharge papers ready. Oh, and before you ask...no, I’m not clearing you for duty for at least another week, maybe two. You complain and I’ll keep you here. You understand?”

Nathan frowned but nodded. “I don’t like it. Especially if the troubles are back but I’m not going to complain. I really want to get out of here.”

Duke watched Gloria leave and he turned to Nathan, “Are you really okay?”

Nathan pulled Duke close and kissed him. “I’m okay. Really. I just want to go home. Especially if you’re making me something special for dinner?” He asked hopefully.

“I’m not making pancakes if that’s what you’re asking,” Duke replied.

“Fine. I’ve only been stuck in this hospital bed for three days, nothing to eat but chicken broth and ginger ale...”

“Nathan, I’m going to cook you a real dinner. I’ll make you pancakes for breakfast,” Duke promised, bringing Nathan’s hand to his mouth to kiss his palm. 

Falling back into old habits was easier than he thought it would be and that scared him. If he wasn’t careful he was going to lose himself in a relationship that wasn’t real. Nathan was going to regain his memories and when he did Duke knew there was going to be a price to pay for this deception. 

And it was a price Duke knew he wasn’t prepared to pay. 

Shaking himself out of his dark thoughts, Duke looked at Nathan. 

He was watching Duke with a furrowed brow. “What’s wrong. You look upset. Did I really worry you that much? You know it’s going to take a lot more that some falling debris to take me away from you, right?” He asked.

Duke heard his voice hitch when he answered, “I know.” He cleared his throat and turned towards the door. “Let me get a nurse to unhook all these wires and the IV so you can get dressed. I’m sure Gloria is almost done with your discharge papers.”


	4. Chapter 4

Later that evening, Nathan was lounging on the sofa while Duke cleaned up after dinner. Duke kept glancing back at him to make sure he was okay. He was drying the dishes when he felt Nathan’s arms snake around his waist.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Duke told him trying not to flinch when Nathan kissed the side of his neck.

“I am resting. You’re doing all the work. I’m just keeping you company,” Nathan replied kissing the sensitive spot on Duke’s shoulder. He laughed softly when he felt Duke shudder. “I love that I can still make you tremble.”

Duke turned to face Nathan and grinned. “Always, Nate.”

“I am getting tired though. I should probably head to bed,” Nathan said, kissing Duke softly on the lips.

Duke nodded. “Let me just finish up in here and lock up. I’ll be right in.”

Duke watched Nathan head toward the bedroom. He sighed softly and tried to focus on finishing the dishes. He could do this. He could pretend the last two years never happened. He could let his heart get ripped out of his chest again if it meant keeping Nathan from triggering his trouble. 

Because the biggest regret Duke carried with him was that the last thing Nathan felt wasn’t his kiss but his fist. 

Duke hesitated at the bedroom door, hoping Nathan was already asleep but knowing he wasn’t. He went inside and quickly stripped out of his clothes. He pulled on a pair of pajama pants, slid into bed and threw his arm across Nathan’s chest. 

“G’night, Nate,” he said, leaning close to press a soft kiss to Nathan’s lips.

Nathan sighed softly into Duke’s mouth sending a shiver through Duke’s body. He missed this. He missed how soft Nathan could be. 

Most of Haven saw Nathan as stoic and unyielding, especially after his trouble came back, but Duke knew the real Nathan. The one he tried to hide from everyone. The one who could spend hours just kissing and caressing. 

He felt Nathan shift in his arms. He didn’t stop Nathan when he started kissing along his jaw, it felt too good. 

He didn’t stop Nathan when he moved to pepper little kisses across his collarbone, it felt too good to be back in his arms like this. 

He didn’t stop Nathan when he stroked his side and planted wet kisses down his chest, it felt too good and he didn’t want it to stop. 

He almost didn’t stop when Nathan slid his hand inside his pajama pants and brushed his fingers across his cock. It felt too good. He almost didn’t stop, but he did.

“Not tonight,” Duke whispered, gently moving Nathan’s hand.

Nathan pulled back quickly. “What? Why? You’ve been off all night. Are you mad at me for something?”

Duke started to panic. He didn’t have a good reason to tell Nathan to stop. He turned to face Nathan and his heart ached at the pain and confusion he saw in those blue eyes he loved so much. It hadn’t even been twenty four hours and he was already screwing this up. 

He reached out and gently took Nathan’s face in his hands. “I am not mad at you. I love you. I just don’t want to hurt you. Didn’t Gloria give you a list of restrictions?”

Nathan relaxed into Duke’s touch. “Restrictions? She did but I don’t remember ‘don’t run your hands all over your hot lover’ being on the list,” he said with his usual deadpan humor.

Duke sat up, “I’m just worried about sending you back to the hospital if we-”

Nathan raised an eyebrow at Duke. “What did you think I was planning on doing that would land me back in the hospital?”

Duke laughed. “Can we just check with Gloria in the morning? We did kind of rush her through the discharge stuff. Please?”

Nathan nodded and settled down next to Duke. “You’re still worried, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am. You scared the hell out of me, Nathan. I just want to keep you safe,” Duke replied. At least that wasn’t a lie. Everything Duke was doing was to keep Nathan safe and trouble free. He really hoped when this was all over that Nathan would understand that. 

Nathan yawned. “Okay, Duke. We’ll talk to Gloria tomorrow.”

Duke kissed him again. “Thank you. Now let's get some sleep. One of us actually has to work in the morning.”

Duke waited until Nathan was asleep before he slipped out of the bed. He grabbed his phone and quietly made his way to the kitchen. He dialed Gloria’s number and waited for her to pick up. 

“This had better be life or death,” Gloria growled when she answered.

“Nathan just tried to have sex with me.” Duke cringed at having to say those words to Gloria.

“If you hadn’t ditched so many health classes in high school you’d know what you’re supposed to do, Duke,” Gloria said her voice filled with amusement.

“Not funny, Gloria. You have to do something,” Duke said sharply.

“I’m sorry, Duke, I couldn’t resist. And I’m sorry for not thinking of this at the hospital. Come by tomorrow and I’ll give him some restrictions. Now let me get back to my beauty sleep,” Gloria said ending the call without waiting for Duke to respond.

 

*********

True to his word, Duke made Nathan pancakes for breakfast. He looked up from the pan when Nathan walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He asked, sitting on the bar stool to watch Duke cook.

Duke turned to him and smiled. “Was hoping to get these cooked before you woke up. Besides, it’s not like you have anywhere to be today...except going to see Gloria.”

The reality was that Duke woke up wrapped in Nathan’s arms and panicked. It took him a few minutes to remember why Nathan was in his bed and when he did he couldn’t go back to sleep. So, he got up and started making breakfast.

“This is going to take some getting used to,” Nathan chuckled.

“What?” Duke asked, not turning around.

“You getting up before noon. Going to work. Earning an honest living,” Nathan replied.

“Well, I’m getting too old for the illegal crap,” Duke joked, putting the plate of pancakes in front of Nathan. “I’ll bring you to see Gloria before I go to work. Then what do you want to do?”

Nathan shrugged. “I haven’t had a day off in a long time. I almost don’t know what to do with myself.”

“I can drop you back here if you want...”

Nathan interrupted him. “Nah, I’ll just stop by the station and see if I can get to know my partner...you said her name is Audrey?” 

Duke felt the panic from earlier rush back. “Hey, how about I take you to Gloria, make a quick stop at the Gull to check in with Tracy and then we spend the day together. We haven’t done that in a long time. We could go down to the beach or something,” he suggested.

“Okay, if you’re sure you can take the day off,” Nathan said.

“Uh, Nathan, I’m the boss,” Duke reminded him. 

Gloria was sitting behind her desk playing some sort of game on her phone when Duke and Nathan walked in. She looked up and smiled. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite amnesiac.”

Nathan squinted at her. “You have more than one patient with amnesia?

“Well, no...but if I did I’m sure you’d be my favorite,” Gloria assured him. “What can I do for you?”

Nathan opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t get the words out. How do you ask someone you’ve known your whole life if it’s okay for you to have sex with your boyfriend? 

Duke saw his hesitation and decided to answer for him. “It seems that I misplaced the discharge papers with all Nathan’s restrictions. We, uh, had a slight disagreement last night on what he was allowed to do.”

Gloria nodded and looked through the papers on her desk. “I have my copy here somewhere. Ah, here it is,” she said handing it to Nathan. 

He took it and scanned to see what Gloria had written under the restrictions section. He could feel Duke come up behind him and read over his shoulder. He felt himself blush when he saw the notation all the way at the bottom that said no sexual activity until cleared by physician. He scanned further and saw that he had apparently signed it. 

He looked up at Duke sheepishly. “I’m sorry, you were right. I must have been in a huge hurry to get out of here last night that I didn’t read everything before I signed it. 

Duke grinned, “I’m always right.”

Gloria rolled her eyes, “Come back next week and we’ll see how you’re doing. Now go...I’ve got candy to crush.”


	5. Chapter 5

They pulled up at the Grey Gull just as Tracy was unlocking the door to prep for lunch. She looked over at them and waved before heading inside. 

Nathan followed Duke inside. Tracy came out of the back room having just turned on all the lights. “Morning, Duke, Nathan.”

Duke turned to Nathan. “I’m going to go over some things with Tracy and then we can get out of here. I’ll be right back.”

Nathan nodded and sat down at the bar. 

Duke pulled Tracy into the kitchen. “I need to tell you something and I need you to relay to the whole staff. And you have to make sure they all understand and don’t say anything stupid.”

“Wow, this sounds serious, Duke. Are you in trouble? Is that why Nathan is here?” Tracy asked.

Duke ran his hands through his hair and rested them on the back of his neck. “No. I’m not in trouble...exactly. Nathan and I are back together...sort of.”

Tracy raised her eyebrow. “Really? You’re back together? He finally came to his senses and realized how wrong he was? He apologized for what he did? All those things he said?”

Duke shook his head and checked to make sure Nathan was still safely out of earshot. “It’s not like that. There was an accident a few days ago and he was knocked unconscious. And now he’s lost the last two years. He has no idea about the fight, no idea we broke up, and to top it off his trouble is gone. Gloria is afraid if we tell him the truth it may trigger his trouble. So...here we are.”

“Gloria asked you to do this? To pretend everything's okay?” Tracy said angrily. 

Duke quickly looked to make sure Nathan hadn’t heard Tracy and pulled her further into the kitchen. “Please lower your voice, I don’t want Nathan to hear you.”

“To just forget everything you two have done to each other these past two years?” Tracy whispered. 

“No, it wasn’t Gloria. It was me. I don’t want his trouble to come back. Please, Tracy, just make sure the staff knows. He’s not cleared for duty yet so he’ll probably be here a lot. It’s only going to be for a little while anyway...” Duke’s voice trailed off.

“What else aren’t you telling me? If I’m going to lie for you I need to know it all,” Tracy said sighing. 

“Audrey made a decision that will probably end the troubles. So, once there is no danger of him triggering his trouble I’ll tell him the truth,” Duke answered.

Tracy nodded. “Okay Duke, I’ll make sure everyone knows. Just please be careful. This is a dangerous game you’re playing.”

“So everyone keeps telling me.” Duke agreed. “I’ll check in later. Call me if you need anything.”

Duke walked back to the bar and grabbed two waters. “Ready?”

Nathan slid off the bar stool and followed Duke back to the Landrover. “Where are we going?”

“Thought we’d just go out to that cove we used to go when we were kids. It’s not too cold, we can relax by the water. Unless you want to go somewhere else?” Duke asked, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Sounds good. You mind if I ask some questions about what’s been going on these past two years? I promise not to get upset,” Nathan said when it looked like Duke was about to protest.

“Okay, as long as you stay calm.” Duke insisted.

They pulled into the cove and got out of the car. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been out here,” Duke commented, sinking onto the sand. 

Nathan sat beside him and looked out to the water. “What happened to Geoff?”

Duke sighed. “Bill and Geoff were planning to reopen their parent’s restaurant. They were going to call it the Second Chance Bistro. Things didn’t go as planned. Let’s just say Bill is troubled and it ruined the restaurant. Geoff was in a relationship with his sous chef. When he decided to leave Haven and go back to New York without her, she poisoned him. She put sesame seeds in something he ate. I don’t think she meant to kill him, but he had a reaction and fell into the water right outside the Rouge. You and Audrey figured it out.”

“I’m sorry. I know how close you were,” Nathan said, rubbing Duke’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. It’s been almost a year. It’s still weird he’s gone but I have the restaurant to remember him by,” Duke said, smiling sadly.

“How do you like running a bar?” Nathan asked.

Duke grinned. “It’s not just a bar...it’s actually one of the best restaurants in Haven. But to answer your question, I love it.”

“Oh really? One of the best? Is that your assessment?” Nathan teased.

“Are you doubting me? I’ll have you know I put a lot of work into the menu and making sure I employ only the best chefs!” Duke said, feigning indignation. 

“With you overseeing the kitchen I know it probably is the best food in Haven,” Nathan said honestly. 

They both fell into a companionable silence, staring out at the sea. It was Nathan who finally broke the silence. “Can I kiss you or do you think that would be breaking Gloria’s restrictions?”

Duke looked at Nathan and smiled. He leaned over and softly brushed his lips over Nathan’s. He pulled back to stare into Nathan’s eyes. His heart skipped a beat at the undisguised desire he saw. 

Tracy was right. This was a dangerous game he was playing, but the alternative was worse. Nathan hating him again, not being able to feel anything, that was something Duke didn’t want to face. 

Nathan reached up and brushed back a piece of hair that kept falling in Duke’s face. He let his fingers trail through Duke’s hair and curl around his neck, bringing him closer. 

“I love you.” He whispered, before crushing his lips against Duke’s.

Duke lost himself in the kiss and when they broke apart he was breathless. “What was that for?” He asked softly.

“Everything. I know I don’t say it enough, but I do appreciate what you do for me. And now I appreciate it even more. I lost two years of my memories and you’re taking it all in stride. I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Nathan said, smiling at him. 

“C’mon now, Nathan. We both know I’m no saint and I try your patience almost on a daily basis,” Duke replied, suddenly embarrassed by Nathan’s praise. Especially since Duke felt he was nothing but a liar right now. 

Nathan smiled. “I never said you were a saint. You’re far from it, Duke. But you are a good man and I can’t imagine having to go through this without you.”

“Okay, okay, I love you, too but can we not act like a couple of lovesick teenagers? I don’t think we even acted like this when we were teenagers,” Duke said, shoving Nathan into the sand.

Nathan laughed and Duke melted. He truly loved it when Nathan laughed, his real laugh, not the restrained chuckle he was used to hearing since their breakup.

“Hey, today is Saturday, right?” Nathan asked, sitting up and brushing the sand off. 

Duke nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Do we still have dinner with the Chief on Saturdays?” Nathan asked.

Duke wanted to say no. He didn’t want to have to hide his animosity towards the Chief, but then he’d have to come up with a reason why. And he was determined to lie to Nathan as little as possible. 

“Yes, we do but more often than not Audrey joins us. We have dinner at the Gull. That sound okay to you? Or would you rather we go to your dad’s like we used to?”

“Going to your restaurant is fine. And maybe it’ll be easier to get to know Audrey over dinner instead of while she’s trying to work,” Nathan replied, leaning against Duke. 

Duke put his arm around Nathan and pulled him closer. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of the sea. This was paradise to him and he never wanted to leave. 

Nathan lifted his head and kissed Duke’s neck.

“Nate...” Duke warned.

“Sssh, I’m not going to do anything I’m not allowed...I promise,” Nathan whispered against his neck before kissing him again. 

Duke moaned and tilted his head to give Nathan better access. 

Nathan took it as the invitation it was, and started kissing and nipping the sensitive spots along Duke’s neck. He reached up with the hand not resting on Duke’s waist and ran his fingers through Duke’s hair. 

Duke wanted to resist. He wanted to find some excuse to pull away but when Nathan started sucking the spot right below his ear, he gave up. He moaned and felt himself starting to get hard. He knew he was going to have to put a stop to this soon, but he couldn’t find the words. Nathan was turning his brain to mush.

When Nathan pulled away, Duke groaned and fell back into the sand. “You’re killing me, Nate. That wasn’t fair and you know it.” 

“You’re right, it wasn’t fair. I’m sorry. Once I got started I just couldn’t stop. Do you need help with that?” He grinned, gesturing to Duke’s obvious erection.

Duke pulled Nathan on top of him and kissed him before answering, “No. I’ll be fine. Are you hungry? We can either pick something up from the Gull or go back to the Rouge and I’ll cook. Your choice.”

Nathan stood up and offered his hand to Duke. “You know I’ll always choose your cooking.”

Duke brushed the sand off his jeans and smiled at Nathan. “Back to the Rouge it is.”

Once they were back at the Rouge, Duke texted Audrey.   
**Dinner at the Gull. 6:30. Bring the Chief. Remind him it’s Saturday.**

He put his phone down and pulled out ingredients to make Nathan lunch. 

“Duke?” Nathan called from his spot on the couch.

Duke turned away from the kitchen to look at Nathan. “Yeah? Everything okay?”

He noticed Nathan was tracing the pattern of the maze tattoo on his arm and he cringed. He really hated that tattoo, but he couldn’t tell Nathan why without blowing the whole charade wide open.

“You said I never really found out anything to help Audrey with this?” He asked, meeting Duke’s eyes.

“No. You didn’t.” Duke agreed.

“I want to call Gloria and see who she can recommend in up in Bangor to get rid of it. It bothers me...” his voice trailed off.

Duke didn’t show any outward reaction to Nathan’s statement, but inside he was elated. At least he would be able to cross Nathan of his list of potential executioners. 

“We can call her Monday,” Duke said, bringing Nathan his lunch. 

“You didn’t have to bring it to me. I’m capable of eating at the table,” Nathan grumbled.

Duke sat next to him and put his arm around Nathan’s shoulders. “I know you are. But I want you to rest.”

“Duke, this is going to get old real quick. I know you’re worried about my trouble, but don’t. I feel happier than I have in ages. Nothing you do will trigger my trouble. Even without my memories I’m sure of that.” Nathan tried to reassure Duke. 

Duke smiled softly. “Okay, okay, I’ll ease up a bit.”


	6. Chapter 6

Duke and Nathan arrived at the Gull at 6:30. Audrey and the Chief were already seated at Audrey’s usual table overlooking the ocean.

Tracy pulled Duke aside while Nathan went to sit down with his father and Audrey.

“How can you even think of having dinner with that man?” Tracy hissed.

Duke shrugged. “I have to play the part and if that includes having dinner with my ex-now-not-ex lover’s father then that’s what I’m going to do. I mean how bad could it be?”

Tracy shook her head in exasperation. “Look, Duke, I love you and I’ll stand by you when this blows up, but do you really have to push it along? Put a few drinks in the Chief and who knows what he’ll say. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to be professional if he so much as looks at you wrong!”

Duke gave her arm a squeeze. “Thanks, Tracy. Good to know you’ve got my back.”

Tracy’s expression softened. “Always. Now go eat so you can get the Chief out of here.”

Duke looked over to the table where everyone was seated and took a deep breath. He could do this. There wouldn’t be any nastiness coming from the Chief this time. He needed Duke on board with this whole thing. Nathan looked up and caught Duke staring at them. He smiled and waved him over. Duke smiled back and walked towards the table. 

“We were just speculating what wonderful food you were going to serve us today,” Audrey said when he sat down. 

Duke grinned, “It’s a surprise. Tracy is just making sure everything is almost done.” 

Dinner was a success by Duke’s standards. And by success he meant that Nathan was still trouble free. Audrey filled Nathan in on some of the tamer troubles they solved. For his part, the Chief was charming and very much _not_ his normal self. 

Duke was getting them all more drinks when he heard Garland behind him. “We told you it wouldn’t be hard to pretend, didn’t we? Seems like Nathan is none the wiser about your little deception.”

Duke glanced over to make sure Nathan wasn’t looking before he stepped close to Garland. “This is not _my_ deception. This is all on you and Audrey. I’m only tolerating your presence because of Nathan. So, please spare me the pep talk. With any luck this will be the last ‘family dinner’ I have to endure.”

He plastered a smile on his face and brought the drinks to the table. 

Nathan looked up at him and gave him one of his dazzling smiles. Duke faltered for a second and almost dropped the drinks. He was never going to get used to Nathan looking at him like that.

His heart ached for what he lost. 

He looked across the table to where and Garland was sitting and it took all his willpower not to glare at him. 

Yes, ultimately, everything that happened to end his relationship with Nathan was Nathan’s fault but the Chief had a hand in it.

He spent years telling Nathan lies about him, constantly bringing up that awful year when they were eight when Duke really _was_ an asshole. Telling Nathan that he was going to betray him again sooner or later. Reminding him that criminals rarely change. Every time they were together, Duke had endured theses digs. Never standing up for himself out of respect for Nathan but maybe that had been a mistake. Maybe things would have been different if he had said something. 

Garland hated Duke not for the person he was but who everyone thought he was destined to become. Duke understood that now, he didn’t care though. He helped take Nathan away from him and he was never going to forgive him for that. 

Because this Nathan, the one smiling at him and reaching for his hand, this wasn’t the Nathan he lost. This was just a copy.

A few hours later, Audrey said her goodbyes and made her way upstairs, signaling the end of the dinner. Duke breathed a sigh of relief when the Chief got up as well and headed towards the door.

Nathan looked over to Duke and grabbed his hand. “Thank you. I know these dinners aren’t easy for you. I just don’t want my dad to die and I feel like I didn’t try, ya know. Mom wouldn’t want me to shut him out-”

“That’s because she was a saint. I still don’t know why she put up with him.” Duke interrupted.

Nathan laughed. “My mom was not a saint. You never endured one of her ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ lectures. Or had to do the dishes for a week because you forgot to take out the garbage. And she put up with the Chief because he was different around her and he did truly love her. Her death changed him.”

“Uh, Nathan, I was on the receiving end of those lectures more than once if you’ll remember. Or are you forgetting the frogs we put in Meg’s desk when we were ten? I’ve never heard anyone scream as loud as Meg did that day. Sometimes when I visit I swear Meg checks to see if I have anything behind my back before she lets me in. But yeah, I understand. Doesn’t make it any easier to be around him, but if that’s what you want I’ll do it.”

Nathan pulled Duke close and kissed his cheek. “That is one of a million reasons why I love you. Want to go home or do you have to stay and help with closing?”

Duke swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. “Don’t have to stay. We can go home.”

*******

It was close to two am when Duke’s cell phone woke him. He reached for it and squinted to see who was calling before he picked up. “Tracy? Everything okay? Yeah, okay. I’ll be there in ten. No, you didn’t wake me...okay, you did, but I’ll still be there in ten.”

He rolled over and shook Nathan awake. “I gotta go back to the Gull. Tracy’s having trouble with the safe. I won’t be gone long.”

Nathan mumbled something that sounded like ‘be careful’ and went back to sleep. Duke shook his head and made his way back to the Gull.

“Duke, I’m really sorry for waking you. I just can’t get it open and I wasn’t just going to take home all the money from tonight.” Tracy apologized when Duke walked through the door.

“It’s okay,” Duke said, shrugging.

“Really? Because you look like shit,” Tracy told him.

“Thanks a lot. I’m not usually asleep this early but the stress of the last few days and with Nathan falling asleep before midnight, I was in bed a lot earlier than normal,” he replied, crouching down to look at the safe. 

He fiddled with it for about ten minutes before it decided to open for him. He put the money inside and locked it. “I’ll have someone out to check on it in the morning.”

“Thanks, Duke. Hey, are you going to be okay?” Tracy asked, squeezing his shoulder.

He leaned against the bar and looked at Tracy. “I’m not sure I can do this. It’s only been twenty four hours and already I’m shot...”

Tracy knew that for Duke to open up to her that it was bad. He always tried to pretend like everything was okay even when it wasn’t. She waited for him to speak again. It took a few minutes and a shot of whiskey before he continued.

“Every time he looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes and pulls me into a hug or a kiss I feel my heart breaking all over again. The Chief and Audrey think it’s just acting for the good of Haven and to keep Nathan from triggering his trouble, but I’m not acting. It’s not acting for me because I never stopped loving him. Tracy, I don’t know if I can recover from this again. If he leaves me again...” 

Duke didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to. She was there the last time. She and Bill McShaw. They picked up the pieces and helped him move on. And she knew he was right, he couldn’t do this again. This was going to end badly, but no matter what she was going to be there for him. 

Tracy reached out and took the glass from Duke, “Stop doing this to yourself. You’re stronger than you think. Now go home and get some sleep. And stop drinking so much, that’s not going to make anything better.”

Duke sighed and gave her a small smile. “Thanks, _mom_.”

Tracy laughed and shoved him towards the door. “I’m not old enough to be your mom, you little shit. Now get out so I can set the alarm.”

Duke slipped back into bed without waking Nathan. He stared at the ceiling for a long time thinking about the impossible situation he was in. No matter what happened he wasn’t going to come away from this unscathed. He was going to lose Nathan all over again and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He reached up to angrily wipe away a stray tear that was somehow running down his face. He fell asleep hoping Nathan wouldn’t notice the strangled sob he couldn’t quite contain.


	7. Chapter 7

Duke left Nathan on the Rouge the next morning while he went to prepare for the brunch crowd at the Gull. He was cleaning and restocking the bar when Audrey walked in. 

“Where’s Nathan?” Audrey asked, walking towards Duke.

Duke didn’t even look up from cleaning the bar. “He’s on the Rouge.”

“You left him alone on the Rouge? Aren’t you afraid he’ll find all your guns?” Audrey attempted to joke.

Duke looked up from drying the glasses. “Contrary to what he told you when you first got here, most of my guns are registered. And he knows about the ones that aren’t. What do you want, Audrey?” He asked wearily.

She sat down at the bar and noticed Tracy in the corner cleaning the silverware. She smiled at her and turned back to Duke. “I wanted to thank you for last night. It was a really nice dinner. I enjoyed getting to spend time with Nathan...and you, of course.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want you to go away without Nathan getting to know you. Just in case his memory doesn’t come back,” Duke replied.

“You don’t think he’s going to get his memory back?” Audrey asked.

Duke huffed out a laugh. “Actually, I know he’s going to get his memory back. And how do I know that you ask? Because nothing in my life is easy. You’re going to leave next week and I’ll be left here to pick up the pieces. That is, if Nathan even lets me get near him, which unless he’s punching me, probably won’t happen.”

 

Audrey bristled at Duke’s complaining. “Oh, poor you! You have to comfort Nathan when I’m gone. From what I saw last night, that’s a dream come true for you. I have to go into some supernatural barn and get my identity stripped away. I go away for 27 years and when I come back I won’t remember anyone or anything. Do you think this is going to be a walk in the park for me? You think I got the better deal? Maybe if you hadn’t fucked up your relationship with Nathan to begin with we wouldn’t be having this conversation. At least I care about Haven! It’s becoming very clear you only care about yourself!” 

Duke flinched at her words. He cared more than he let on. As much as he hated this town, he also loved it. This is where he was the happiest, here with Nathan. He was a little hurt that Audrey couldn’t see that. She always said she was good at reading people, why couldn’t she see what was beneath his mask?

He walked around the bar and stood in front of her. “And who told you that? Who told you it was my fault the relationship failed? Was it the chief? Why don’t you ask him all the things _he_ did to keep us apart. Why don’t you ask him why Nathan was so ready to believe that I was just using him to get out of trouble with the coast guard. Not like I have to explain myself to you, but I wasn’t smuggling that day. In fact, I stopped smuggling months earlier when Nathan asked me to. Because I loved him too much to put him in a compromising position. So, you can shove all your self righteous bullshit.” He turned to walk to the kitchen. 

Before he pushed the door open, he turned back to Audrey. “You know Audrey...I love you, too. Probably just as much as Nathan. I would have stood right by his side to keep you out of that barn. So, don’t act like I don’t care. You made your decision and just like all your other decisions since you got to Haven, I respect it. I may hate it, but it’s your decision not mine.”

 

Audrey turned to leave when Tracy called out to her. “He’s not really mad at you. He’s hurt and scared and he’s breaking under the pressure of this whole horrible situation.”

“And you don’t think this situation is horrible for me, too?” Audrey asked angrily.

“I never said it wasn’t. But can you just try to see it from Duke’s side? You weren’t here when Nathan left him. It wasn’t pretty. The things Nathan did and said to him after that Coast Guard incident were ugly. He was broken and it took everything Bill McShaw had to pull him out of the bottle.” Tracy’s voice shook with the memory. “Then it took the better part of a year for him to even resemble the person you know. What do you think this is doing to him now? He has to pretend none of that happened. Did it ever occur to you that he might still love Nathan? That pretending for even a week until you go away is too much?”

“How do you know all this? I’ve been here almost a year and never even knew they were together!” Audrey asked, rubbing her forehead.

“It’s not a secret, Audrey. Everyone in town knew they were together. And everyone in town knows how it ended. They would probably still be together if his trouble hadn’t activated that day. And if the Chief hadn’t been feeding Nathan lies about Duke,” Tracy replied.

“Tracy, I know this was a lot of ask of Duke but he just has to hang on for a few more days. Please understand I have to do this. I have to go away and I can’t be worried about Nathan trying to stop me. Don’t you want the troubles to stop? You’d get to see James again, touch him again.” Audrey pointed out. 

“Yes, I want the troubles to end but not like this. Not by hurting someone I care about. I don’t think Duke’s sanity is a fair trade. Can you just try to fix things with him?” Tracy pleaded.

Audrey sighed. She hated that Duke was hurting and that they weren’t speaking. She was leaving Haven in a few days and she lost both her best friends. She looked at Tracy again and turned toward the kitchen. 

“Duke?” She called, pushing the door open. 

“What now, Audrey? Did you forget to tell me something else I’ve done wrong?” Duke snapped. 

Audrey looked around and saw the kitchen staff was trying to make themselves look busy and not eavesdrop.

“Can we talk outside? Please?” Audrey added when Duke didn’t respond.

“I can spare ten minutes. You know what this place gets like on Sundays,” Duke said, ushering her outside onto the patio. 

“You aren’t selfish.” Audrey started.

 

Duke had been prepared for another fight, but Audrey’s words took the wind out of his sails. He stared at her for a moment, the tension seeping out of his shoulders before he nodded. “And you are only doing what you think is right.” Duke conceded before adding. “I never thanked you.”

Audrey tilted her head. “For what?”

“For bringing him back to me. And no, I don’t mean the Nathan that is sitting on the Rouge right now. I mean the Nathan he was last week,” Duke said softly.

“Duke, I still don’t understand,” Audrey said, shaking her head. 

“Before you came to Haven we hadn’t spoken in over a year. I mean more than him reading me my rights and me laughing that whatever he had on me wouldn’t stick,” Duke said, turning to look out at the water.“You changed that. You gave him back to me, maybe not how I wanted but I had my friend back. And I never thought to thank you for that. I’m sorry, Audrey.” 

“I’m sorry, too,” Audrey said.

Now it was Duke’s turn to be confused. “What are you sorry for?”

“Part of the reason I’m so angry right now is because I’m jealous. Jealous of you and Nathan.” She confessed.

“Jealous? Why? What’s going on between us isn’t even real. If he hadn’t gotten hit with that falling debris, he’d be with you. Maybe you two hadn’t figured everything out yet but I know you love each other.” 

“I know that. But answer me this, I know your relationship right now isn’t real but was it like this? Was Nathan soft and sweet and so free with his affection? Did he touch you all the time like he’s doing now? Did he smile so brightly that you just couldn’t help but smile back?” Audrey asked, tears in her eyes.

Duke realized where this was going and his shoulders slumped. “Yes. Before his trouble kicked in he was exactly like you saw him last night. Not that he didn’t get angry or serious too, though.”

“I may have been the only one Nathan could feel but that really didn’t change how he acted around me. Yes, he was a little softer when it was just us but not like last night, not so open, so loving. I’m jealous because you got that and I never will. And I took it out on you. I’m sorry for everything I said before,” Audrey said, finally letting the tears fall.

Duke closed the distance between them and pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay, Audrey. I get it. And I wish I could make things better.”

“Can we just not fight anymore, please? I only have four days left and I don’t want to spend them knowing you’re mad at me.” she pleaded.

“I’m not mad.” Duke assured her.


	8. Chapter 8

Duke left the Gull close to ten pm. He hadn’t meant to stay that long but wanted to make sure everything was in order so he could take the next few days off. Audrey only had four days left and he owed it to her to let her spend time with Nathan. He knew she didn’t want Nathan trying to keep her out of the barn but they both deserved a few good memories before she left. 

Maybe then Nathan wouldn’t hate Duke so much when this was all over. 

He found Nathan asleep on the couch with a book open on his chest. He smiled and watched Nathan for a few minutes before he took the book and put a blanket over him. He turned to the kitchen to start dinner for himself when Nathan called out to him.

“Duke?”

“Yeah?” 

“C’mere...” Nathan said sleepily.

Concerned, Duke walked back to the sofa and sat down next to Nathan. “You okay?”

Nathan nodded and pulled Duke closer. “Just wanted to do this,” he said, brushing his lips softly along Duke’s jaw. 

Duke melted into Nathan’s touch. He let Nathan kiss his neck and run his fingers through his hair. It felt so good to touched by Nathan like this again.

Nathan started tugging at Duke’s shirt. “Take this off...you smell like your kitchen...,” he said still half asleep.

Duke pulled his shirt over his head. He thought to get up and put on a new one but Nathan wouldn’t let him go. 

“I love this body. You are truly a work of art,” Nathan said softly, kissing down Duke’s neck towards his now bare chest. He stopped to kiss and lick around Duke’s nipples, enjoying the soft sounds of pleasure coming from Duke. 

Duke knew he had to stop this, it was getting out of control. He would never forgive himself if Nathan did things he was going to regret when he got his memory back. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Nathan to stop, but he lost all rational thought when Nathan slid his hand into his pants. 

It was like they were teenagers again, in Nathan’s bedroom trying not to get caught. Nathan wrapped his hand around Duke, moving with swift strokes, pausing only to brush his thumb across the tip. Duke’s soft moans grew louder with each stroke and before long he was spilling into Nathan’s hand. Nathan reached behind him for the tissues on the end table and cleaned up. 

He looked into Duke’s eyes and smiled softly, “I love you.”

 

A lump formed in Duke’s throat and he leaned in to bury his face in Nathan’s neck as tears stung his eyes. He bit back a sob and answered, “I love you, too.”

After a self indulgent minute to feel safe and loved in Nathan’s arms, he pulled away and stood up. “I’m going to go change,” he said as softly as he could.

 

Nathan watched him go, not understanding why there were tears in his eyes. 

Duke changed quickly and sat on his bed. How had this happened? How had he let Nathan touch him so intimately? There was no coming back from this. He violated Nathan’s trust even if Nathan didn’t know it. 

He had promised himself he was going to take care of Nathan and not take advantage of him, but he did take advantage. And when Nathan got his memory back he was going to hate Duke. He was going to call Duke all those disgusting things he called him before, but this time he was going to be right. 

Nathan found Duke sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking. Had he done this to Duke? Had he hurt him somehow without knowing it?

He sat next to Duke and put his arm around his shoulders. He felt Duke stiffen and he pulled his arm away. “What did I do? Why are you mad at me?”

Duke looked up at Nathan. “Nothing. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.”

“Please don’t lie to me. I hurt you, but I can’t figure out how. Is it because I bent Gloria’s restrictions a bit? If it is I’m sorry. I figured if I wasn't the one having an orgasm it wouldn’t matter...I just wanted to make you happy.” Nathan tried to explain.

“God, Nathan, please stop. You didn’t do anything wrong. I love you with every fiber of my being. You mean the world to me. I know I’d fall to pieces without you...I just...I can’t...” Duke didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to tell Nathan why he was upset without telling him everything. 

Nathan wrapped his arms around Duke and held him. “I’m sorry. Whatever is going on, I’m sorry you think you have to go through it alone. You mean the world to me, too. I’d be lost without you.”

Duke leaned into Nathan and let himself pretend this was real, that Nathan still loved him. In four days this would all be over and then he’d leave Haven and Nathan, forever. But tonight he’d pretend to let Nathan put him back together.

Nathan shifted to stretch out on the bed and pulled Duke down next to him. When he wrapped his arms around him, Duke couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Nathan stroked his hair telling him over and over again that everything was going to be okay. 

He said it so much that Duke fell asleep, almost able to believe him  
Nathan watched Duke sleep for a long time. He kept replaying the last few days over and over in his mind. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn’t figure out what. Duke was just as kind and loving as ever, but there was something bothering him. He didn’t understand why Duke wouldn’t tell him, why he wanted to do whatever it was alone. Maybe it really was just not wanting to upset Nathan and trigger his trouble. 

When Duke woke up Nathan was going to have a serious conversation with him. He loved Duke and hated seeing him in so much pain. They would get through this together, he was sure of it. 

 

*************

The first thing Nathan noticed when he woke up the next morning was that he was in Duke’s bed on the Rouge. Why was he on the Rouge? And why could he feel the sheet covering his legs? He brought his hand slowly to his face and touched his cheek. He could feel again. He sat up quickly and looked around frantically. He jumped out of the bed and suddenly everything from the last week came rushing back with disturbing clarity.

“Oh my God...” he whispered. Standing in the middle of the bedroom trying to calm his breathing, only one thought kept running through his head. “Duke.”


	9. Chapter 9

Nathan walked out of the bedroom fully expecting to see Duke cooking for him in the kitchen, but he wasn’t there. 

“Duke?” He called out but got no answer. 

Nathan searched the whole boat and couldn’t find any sign of Duke. He started to worry when he found the Landrover parked in its spot in the marina lot. 

He called the Gull, hoping Duke had just decided to walk to work.

“The Grey Gull! How can I help you?” Tracy’s cheery voice greeted him.

“Tracy? It’s Nathan...is Duke there?”

“No he isn’t, Nathan. He isn’t due in until later, why?”

“He’s not on the Rouge and his truck is still parked at the marina. Can you call me when he comes in? I’m going to go look for him.”

“I’m sure he’s just taking a walk, Nathan. Don’t get too worried. But I’ll call if I hear from him.”

“Thanks, Tracy,” Nathan said, hanging up. 

This was bad. This was very bad. Duke was gone and it was all his fault. Of course he wasn’t in his right mind until this morning but there was no doubt that he caused Duke to leave. He had to find him. He had to make things right. 

Nathan tried the usual places first; the beach, Haven Joe’s, Rosemary’s.

Then he tried the places they used to go when they were kids. Nothing. 

He even went up to the fishing cabin they spent their first weekend together after Duke came back to Haven. Nathan sat on the floor of the cabin trying to figure out what to do next. 

So much of the last week was still a mystery to him. Why was his trouble gone? Why was everyone pretending he and Duke were still together? And why didn’t that bother him as much as it should?

The truth of the matter was that he still loved Duke, never stopped even though he was the one to end the relationship. He made so many mistakes in his life but that by far was the biggest. He let go the one person who always had his back. Always took care of him. Who loved him unconditionally even when he was being an unforgiving ass. 

It wasn’t until Audrey came to Haven and started pulling Duke back into his orbit that he realized just how much he missed Duke. She made him want to fix things with Duke, until she touched him. And he _felt it_.

His feelings for Duke were put on the back burner, again. He became obsessed with Audrey because every time they touched he felt alive in a way he hadn’t since the fight with Duke. It became an obsession that he convinced himself was true love. 

He knew he was going to have to tell Audrey what he just realized. That although he loved her, it wasn’t the same love he had for Duke. He was going to have to let her go. 

Sighing, Nathan stood up and took a final look around. Admitting defeat, he headed back to town. Maybe he could go to the station and ask Laverne to track Duke’s phone. He had to fix this before it was too late. 

“Nathan, hon, I can’t do that without a warrant. And no judge is going to give you a warrant to find Duke Crocker. He’ll turn up. He always does.” Laverne told him.

Nathan nodded. “You’re right. If you hear anything let me know, okay?”

“Hon? You aren’t going to hurt him are you? He was only trying to protect you.” Laverne said when Nathan turned to leave.

“No. I’m not going to hurt him. My days of being an idiot are over.” Nathan left dispatch and walked right into Audrey. 

“Nathan! I didn’t expect to see you here! Thought you’d be at the Gull with Duke,” Audrey said surprised.

“I do have a life outside of Duke, Parker,” Nathan said, turning to leave. 

“You called me Parker! You got your memories back!” Audrey exclaimed grabbing his arm. Nathan pulled away and smacked his arm on a desk. He winced at the pain. “And your trouble is still gone!”

“Yes to both statements. I gotta go. Duke’s gone.”

“Gone? What happened?” Audrey, asked afraid of the answer.

“I don’t have time to explain. I really have to go,” he said, heading towards the door. 

“Nathan! What are you doing here? You haven’t been cleared for duty,” Garland barked from behind Audrey.

“You can cut the act, Chief. I know-” Nathan began but Garland cut him off. 

“Damn! Crocker couldn’t keep his mouth shut, huh? Pinned the blame on me and Parker, did he? Said we made him pretend?” Garland asked.

“Uh...not what I was going to say. I was going to tell you I got my memories back but now that you mention it why is Duke pretending we were still together?” Nathan asked narrowing his eyes at his father. 

Garland bristled. “We did it for your own good, Nathan!”

“My own good? How is lying to me and forcing Duke to lie for my own good?” Nathan snapped. 

The other officers in the bullpen stopped what they were doing and started staring at Nathan and the Chief. Audrey glared at them and turned to usher Nathan and the Chief into his office, closing the door behind them.

“Nathan, this isn’t helping. Your trouble...Gloria said you have to stay calm...”

“Don’t worry, Parker,” Nathan growled. “I’ve been fighting with the Chief like this for years. Nothing he can say will upset me enough to trigger my trouble. Now why don’t you answer my question, _Dad_. Why did you both force Duke to lie about our relationship?”

Garland scoffed. “We didn’t force him to do anything. I merely suggested I could clean up his file...give him some compensation...”

“You paid him? He took money?” Nathan asked incredulously.

“No! Don’t you dare lie to him!” Audrey yelled at the Chief before turning to Nathan. “Duke flat out refused the bribe. He didn’t want to lie to you at all. He wanted to tell you the truth right from the start. But then Gloria said telling you the truth could be so traumatizing it could trigger your trouble. Duke changed his mind. He agreed to pretend you were still a couple to prevent that from happening. His only concern during all of this has been you.”

“That’s why he lied but what about the two of you? Why were you willing to pay him to lie to me?” Nathan asked.

Audrey looked guilty. “For the same reason...your trouble...”

“Parker, you’re lying to me...”

Audrey was on the verge of tears when she answered, “Because you weren’t going to let me go, Nathan. You wouldn’t accept my decision to go into the barn. I figured if you didn’t know about us, or the barn, you wouldn’t try to stop me.”

Nathan ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Do you realize what you’ve done?”

“It was stupid, I know that now, but I just want what’s best for Haven. I want the troubles to stop! You should want that, too!” Audrey cried. 

“I do, Audrey, but this wasn’t the way. How do you think Duke felt hearing me tell him I loved him? Do know what I did to him after my trouble came back? The things I said to him? I told him he wasn’t worth knowing, that he was just like his father...or how about this lovely gem...’everyone leaves you because you’re nothing.’ Maybe you didn’t know, Parker, but the Chief sure as hell did.” Nathan said quietly, barely able to hold onto his anger.

Audrey shook her head. “I’m sorry, Nathan. I didn’t even know you had been together until you woke up in the hospital.”

“It wasn’t a secret, Audrey. Everyone knew. Hell, Laverne has been trying to get us back together for years,” Nathan said, trying to calm down. 

“Nathan, it’s been over between you two for a long time. Don’t blame Parker because Duke isn’t man enough to let it go,” Garland admonished.

“Man enough to let it go? What kind of bullshit is that? You asked him to pretend I never left him! He let me kiss him, hug him knowing it was all fake. Did you even care that this was breaking him?” Nathan snapped at his father. 

“Like I said, he isn’t man enough to let it go,” Garland said, standing his ground. 

“Did it ever occur to you that he didn’t ‘let it go’ because he still loves me? I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You were so proud of me when I came to you to tell you I left him, weren’t you? Well, you know what? I don’t care what you think anymore. Right now all I care about is finding Duke before he tries to leave Haven. I have to make this right, I have to tell him I was wrong.” Nathan said, storming out of the Chief’s office. 

Audrey followed him outside. “Nathan, please stop!”

Nathan stopped and turned to her. “What is it, Audrey?”

She walked up close to him. “I’m so sorry for what I asked him to do. I told him that. I never meant to hurt him...or you. I go away in four days. When I come back I’ll be someone else. I’ve accepted that. I don’t want to leave knowing you hate me.”

Nathan sighed. “I don’t hate you, Parker, I love you. But I became obsessed with the _idea_ of us together when I realized I could feel you. I wanted you to stay so badly because I thought we were meant to be. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Nathan. You made my time here happy and I love you for that. But you love Duke, don’t you?” Audrey asked.

“I do. I don’t think I ever stopped. I want to thank you for helping me see that, for bringing him back to me. And I don’t mean by asking him to participate in the charade you and the Chief cooked up. I mean before, when you first got here and pulled us back in the same orbit.”

Audrey chuckled.“Do you know he said the same thing to me yesterday?”

“Parker, I really wish you’d let me help you find a way to stay. I don’t want to lose you.” 

“Nathan, if there was a way we would have found it by now. You know that, right?” Audrey asked gently.

He sighed. “I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Do you want me to help you look for Duke? He can’t have gone far without his truck or his ship.” Audrey offered. 

Nathan was about to answer her when his phone rang. He looked down and saw it was Tracy. 

“Nathan, he’s here. You need to get here as soon as you can. He needs you.” Tracy pleaded.

“I’ll be there in ten,” Nathan replied before hitting the end button. “He’s at the Gull. I have to go.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Audrey offered. 

Nathan shook his head. “No, I have to do this on my own. I have to make him understand that I made a mistake. That I still love him. I’m sorry, Audrey, I really didn’t meant to hurt you.”

“Oh, Nathan. After all I’ve done to you and Duke this week you’re sorry for hurting me? It’s okay. We’re okay. Go, fix him. Just promise you’ll be with me...when I go in the barn...,” Audrey asked.

Nathan gave her a quick hug. “I’d never let you leave without saying goodbye.”

When Nathan arrived at the Gull, Tracy was waiting for him at the door. “Where is he, Tracy?”

“On the back deck. But before you go to him you have to know he’s in a really bad place. He’s probably going to tell you things that you don’t understand-”

Nathan put up his hand to stop her. “It’s ok, I’ll understand. My memory came back this morning.”

Tracy’s eyes widened and her demeanor changed. She started pushing him toward the door. “Get out, Nathan. Bill and I can take care of him. You aren’t getting anywhere near him.”

Nathan was taken aback. “What? I just want...”

“I don’t care what you want, Nathan. You aren’t going to hurt him again. If you don’t leave I’ll call the police and tell them you’re trespassing.” Tracy threatened. 

Nathan rolled his eyes. “I am the police. Should I arrest myself?”

“You think this is a joke? You destroyed him last time! You wouldn’t even listen to what he had to say. He loved you...he still does. None of this was his idea. Just go...he deserves so much better...”

“Tracy! Can I please talk? You’re going to want to hear what I have to say.” Nathan assured her. 

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “You have five minutes. Then I’m calling the Chief.”

“Yes, I got my memories back but that doesn’t mean I forgot everything that happened this last week. I know he took care of me.  
I know this wasn’t his idea. And I know full well what I did to him last time. I don’t expect you to forgive me...I don’t know if I can forgive myself.”

“You don’t deserve forgiveness, especially not from Duke,” Tracy spat out. 

Nathan just stared at her, desperate for her to believe him. “I was wrong, Tracy, about everything. All I care about is Duke. If you don’t trust me you can come with me. If I’m lying I’ll dial the Chief myself. Please, let me fix this.”

Tracy searched Nathan’s face to see if he was telling the truth. She finally nodded. “Okay...but if you hurt him...”

“I’m not going to hurt him. Not again,” Nathan said seriously. 

Duke was sitting in a chair looking out at the water. There was an empty bottle of scotch on the deck and he was holding a mostly full bottle on his lap. 

Nathan walked over to him and touched his shoulder. “Duke? Duke, can you look at me...please?”

Duke took a drink straight from the bottle and turned his head towards Nathan. “Sorry about the day drinking...know you hate it.” He said his words slurring together.

“Duke...it’s okay...” Nathan began. 

“No. No, it’s not okay. And I’m gonna tell you why it’s not okay. So, you’re not gonna talk right now. I lied to you. A big, big lie. I’ll tell you everything but you have to stay calm. Don’t want your trouble coming back...” Duke began, trying to focus on what he wanted to say.

“Duke...” Nathan tried to interrupt.

“Let me talk! I need to do this before I lose my nerve,” Duke said firmly.

Nathan took a deep breath and sat down. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“We’re not even together. You left me. Called me worthless. Which I am. You were right about that.” The bitterness was clear in Duke’s voice. “All I had to do was keep you from setting off your Trouble until Audrey left. That’s it. Easy right?”

He didn’t wait for Nathan to answer.

“It wasn’t. I tried. Not to take advantage of you. I swear, Nate, you’ve gotta believe me. But you kept...you kept touching me and telling me you loved me and it broke me.”

Duke’s voice cracked and Nathan’s heart broke for him.

“I’m so sorry. You hate me and I let you touch me like...like that. Like we were still lovers and I hope to God I don’t set off your Trouble again, like I did last time but I have to….I have to be _honest_ , Nate.”

He paused to take another big swallow of whiskey. “You don’t love me. You love Audrey and she’s - she’s going away in four fucking days into some sort of supernatural barn. It’s meant to stop the Troubles.”

Another long swallow of whiskey. “I’m sorry. For lying to you. For that stupid fight that set off your Trouble. I’m sorry for fucking everything and I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”

More whiskey and Nathan was starting to get worried that he might end up with alcohol poisoning. Taking the bottle away from him at this stage though...that was likely to lead to a fight.

“Now you know the truth, go be with Audrey. You don’t have much time left.” Duke stood up and tried to walk away but stumbled. He grabbed the railing to steady himself and Nathan’s heart broke for him. Duke was suffering and broken because of him. He got up from the chair and pulled Duke into a hug.

“It’s going to be okay,” he soothed.

Duke pushed him away and started staggering towards the parking lot.

Nathan called out to him, “Duke! Please!”

Duke just kept walking. Nathan chased after him and tried again. “Did you end up keeping that ridiculous swordfish from the Shiny Schupper?”

Duke stopped but didn’t turn around. “You got your memories back,” he whispered.

Nathan walked over to him and gently grabbed his shoulder to turn him around. “There’s nothing to forgive. I love you. You’ve taken such good care of me since my accident. You were put in an impossible position and forced to lie to me. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. I should have listened to you that day. I should have trusted you instead of listening to the chief’s lies. I was wrong.”

“What?” Duke couldn’t quite understand what Nathan was trying to tell him. He guessed after all the alcohol he had consumed it was understandable. He grabbed the railing on the deck to keep from falling over and tried to focus on what Nathan was saying. 

 

“I know I was wrong because in spite of everything I did to you these past two years you still wanted to protect me and keep me from triggering my trouble. You just wanted me to know the truth, even though in the end it would mean losing me all over again. And I may love Audrey, but not like I love you. Please give me another chance.”

Duke stared at Nathan through bloodshot eyes. After a moment, he launched himself at Nathan and hugged him. “Please...don’t leave me again.”

Nathan’s heart ached when he heard the pain in Duke’s voice. “Never again.” He wrapped his arms around Duke and rubbed soothing circles on his back. “It’s going to be okay.”

He stepped back and looked into Duke’s eyes. “Let’s get you home so you can sleep this off and then we can talk. It really is going to be okay. I need you to believe that.”

Duke couldn’t do anything but nod. He let himself be led to the Bronco and he didn’t protest when Nathan guided him onto the passenger seat. 

Nathan walked around to the driver’s side. He glanced over at the Gull before he got in and saw Tracy standing on the deck looking anxious. He waved and smiled at her, hoping she understood that everything was under control now. She nodded her head and smiled back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here is the last chapter...I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!

It took longer than it should have to get Duke below deck and settled in the bed. He kept protesting that he didn’t want to go to sleep.

Nathan almost got him in the bed when Duke lost his balance and fell, taking Nathan with him. They landed in a heap on the floor. 

Nathan tried unsuccessfully to push Duke off of him. Duke tried to get up on his own and accidentally elbowed Nathan in the face.

Nathan winced at the pain. “Guess I deserved that.”

Duke tried again to stand up and this time stepped on Nathan’s hand. 

“Jesus, Duke! That hurt!” Nathan cried pulling his hand free. “Just stop trying to get up until I can help you.”

After four tries, Nathan got Duke back on his feet and into the bed. He stripped off his clothes and was surprised to see he was actually wearing underwear. 

Nathan shoved him into the bed and pulled the covers over him. Satisfied he wasn’t going to try to get up again, Nathan went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. 

“I’m gonna wake up and you’ll be gone...just a dream...” Duke mumbled when Nathan brought him the water and made him drink. 

Nathan placed the glass within Duke’s reach and got into bed next to him.

“Duke, it’s not a dream. I’m not leaving. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Please, sleep,” Nathan said softly rubbing Duke’s back.

With the amount of alcohol in his system, Duke didn’t so much as drift off to sleep as he passed out. When he woke up, it was dark and his head pounding. He saw that someone had taken his clothes off and put him in his bed. There was a glass of water on his nightstand next to his phone. 

He struggled to remember how he got to the Rouge. He sat up and the room started spinning. Groaning loudly, he flopped back onto the pillows. He stretched and connected with something solid. 

“Ow! I know I deserve that but can you stop hitting my face?”

Duke sat up again and turned on the lamp next to his bed. “Nathan?”

“Who else would be in your bed? Yes, it’s me.” Nathan sat up, rubbing his jaw. “At least you didn’t break my nose.”

Duke opened his mouth to speak when he suddenly remembered everything. “You stayed...”

“I promised you I wouldn’t leave. That I’d be here when you woke up. I meant it. I also meant what I said at the Gull...I’m never leaving you again.” 

Nathan felt Duke fling himself into his arms and he couldn’t help but smile. “And before you say it...no this isn’t a dream. How’s your head?”

Duke pulled away from Nathan and grimaced. “Feels like it’s being crushed in a vice. Exactly how much did I drink?”

“By the time I found you, there was an empty bottle on the deck and you were holding another. I’m not sure how full the first bottle was. I was worried for a while that I might have to take you to the hospital.” Nathan said seriously.

“Ah, Nate, I’m sorry...so sorry. Never meant for you to find me like that. It just got too much. I couldn’t even last three days before I gave in and let you...let you touch me.” Duke confessed.

“It’s okay. We’re going to get through this. Together...you and me...no more whiskey...okay?” Nathan asked, rubbing his shoulders.

“Okay...uh...Nate, I have to be sure because I’m still a bit confused...hangover, you know...does the name Sarah mean anything to you?” Duke asked tentatively.

Nathan chuckled, “Duke, I have all my memories. Troubles, Audrey is Sarah, Audrey is Lucy, supernatural barn, I can’t bleed around you or it sets off your trouble...I remember it all.”

He reached over and gently turned Duke’s face toward him.

“And before you insult me by asking...yes, we are back together. I...love...you,” He said, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Duke threw his arms around Nathan. “I almost can’t believe this is real.”

Nathan rubbed his back. “It’s real. Very real...but we still need to talk.”

“Why? Can’t we just forget all that happened and move on?” Duke mumbled into Nathan’s shoulder. 

Nathan pushed Duke back gently. “No, we can’t. I hurt you-“

“I hurt you, too,” Duke interrupted.

“No. You do not get to take any of the blame for what happened. I mean it Duke...don’t think for a moment that you had anything to do with me leaving you.” 

“But-“ Duke tried to get a word in but Nathan stopped him with a kiss. 

“Stop. I need to apologize for everything. I was a complete asshole to you.”

“Nate, I started the whole thing with my stupid joke-“ Duke tried again.

“And I should have either had more faith in you or actually searched the damn boat!  
But instead I punched you.”

“And I punched you back.”

“That’s not the point,” Nathan said, shaking his head. 

Duke tried to argue. “Kinda is…”

“But I stood there and called you the cruelest things. I told you you were a lowlife criminal, just like your father...just because the Chief kept saying you were smuggling again and I was too stupid to realize he was lying to me. So, instead of doing the rational thing and either listening to you or searching your fucking boat, I walked away.”

Duke lowered his head in shame. “And as you walked away you realized you couldn’t feel anything. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about what I did to you. The look in your eyes when you realized your trouble came back haunted me for a long time.”

Nathan cupped Duke’s face in his hands. “It wasn’t your fault. What do I have to do to make you understand that? It was my fault. All of it. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

“Please, Nate...stop doing this to yourself. I forgive you. I love you too much to see you beat yourself up over this. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?”

“Tell me how horrible I am. Tell me I don’t deserve you, because I don’t,” Nathan pleaded. 

Duke looked at Nathan with tears in his eyes. “Then I guess we can’t fix this. Because I’m never going to say those things to you. Did you hurt me? Yes. Did this last week almost send me back in the bottle forever? Yes. But I love you. I love you so much. We have to move on from this. Please, Nate...”

Nathan took a moment to look at Duke, he looked so sad, lost. His walls were down and Nathan knew he was seeing the real Duke. He had to find a way to move past his feelings of guilt. He promised Duke he’d never leave him again. How could he keep that promise if he didn’t stop beating himself up over all the things he did in the past?

He leaned close to Duke and kissed him gently. “I’m sorry...I’ll do my best to put the past behind us.”

Duke nodded and kissed him again. “That’s all I ask.”

Nathan pulled back a little. “I do have one question that you didn’t answer.”

“Yeah?” Duke asked, moving to kiss Nathan’s neck.

“Why is my trouble gone?”

“No idea,” Duke replied, moving his kisses to Nathan’s collarbone.

“Seriously? No idea? Did Gloria have any...theories?” Nathan asked, not really caring about the answer anymore.

Duke moved back up to suck a mark below Nathan’s ear. “Said it could be because you didn’t remember the fight...but that’s just speculation.”

“You think I can control it? Like Marion or TJ?” Nathan asked tilting his head to give Duke more access.

“No idea. Gloria was just worried we could trigger it by accident with too much information.” Duke answered before sucking another mark on Nathan’s neck.

“Maybe if I can control it, I won’t have to worry about next time.”

Duke pulled away from Nathan and looked at him, “Am I losing my touch? Because you should not be forming coherent thoughts right now.”

Nathan groaned when Duke pulled away. “Definitely not losing your touch, I’m sorry...please don’t stop...”

“Then stop talking...let me do this...” Duke said, pushing Nathan’s tee shirt up so he could kiss his stomach.

“I missed this...” Nathan whispered, reaching to tangle his fingers in Duke’s hair. 

Duke stopped kissing him and looked up. “Really? You missed this...?”

“Yes, I made a mistake, Duke. I never stopped loving you...I just couldn’t figure out how to fix things. My trouble was back and I didn’t know what to do. I was so angry, at you, the Chief, myself.”

“I tried to help. I tried-“ Duke started but Nathan cut him off. 

“I know you did. The day I came here to pack up my things was one of the worst days of my life. You begged me to listen to you. You pleaded for another chance. Hell, you even apologized for things you didn’t do. When you reached for me and I couldn’t feel it...that did something to me,” Nathan sagged against Duke, not wanting to go on but needing to explain everything.

“I saw your hand on my arm but I couldn’t feel it. I was terrified, confused, and suddenly so angry. It was like a dam broke and all these horrible things just came spewing out of my mouth. I watched you back away from me with each thing I said and it just made me angrier, you were the strong one...not me. I couldn’t understand why you weren’t fighting back. I remember the exact moment I broke you and I-I didn’t know how to fix it. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. I watched you fall apart and when I went to touch you...oh, god...you-you cringed like I was going to hit you...” Nathan’s voice broke and he wasn’t sure he could go on.

Duke sat up and pulled him closer. “Don’t do this to yourself. It’s over. We just said we were going to put the past behind us.”

Nathan nodded. “I know we did...but I have to make you understand...”

“I do understand. I was in your apartment, Nate. How do you think all this got back here? The day you woke up I was there with Dwight packing up everything. I saw all the books, the dvds, the clothes...hell even the picture of us from Bill’s wedding. All the things you never got rid of from your time here...with me. I wasn’t sure what it meant until just now.” He took Nathan’s hand and brought it to his lips. He turned it over and kissed the palm softly. “I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it in your kisses. All those things you did are in the past. We have to look to our future.”

Nathan took a shaky breath. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you but I will never stop making sure you know I love you.”

Duke laid back on the bed and pulled Nathan on top of him. “Kiss me.”

 

Nathan brought his lips to Duke's, barely brushing them together. His heart raced when Duke moaned softly into his mouth and he leaned in closer. 

“More,” Duke whispered against his lips. 

 

Nathan let out a shaky breath, one that he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and crushed his lips to Duke's, moaning softly when Duke nipped at his bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open. 

Duke reached up and started restlessly running his fingers through Nathan's hair and by the time they broke apart, they were both breathless. 

Duke let his hands slide down to Nathan’s waist and up under his shirt, lightly trailing his fingernails up and down his back. 

Nathan sat up and pulled his shirt over his head before leaning down to kiss Duke’s neck. “Don’t stop touching me...”

Duke smiled and ran his hands up and down Nathan’s back. “Don’t stop kissing me and I won’t.”

Nathan slowly kissed Duke’s neck and chest, stopping to suck marks into all his sensitive spots. 

Duke moaned when Nathan slipped his hand under the waistband of his boxers and stroked him gently. “You’re killing me, Nate. I want you...I need you...”

Nathan looked up at Duke, his blue eyes shining with desire. “You think if we called Gloria she’d lift the sex ban?”

 

Duke wrapped his arms around Nathan to pull him in for another kiss. “What sex ban?” He mumbled against Nathan’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be coming every day. Comments and discussions welcome!


End file.
